Patrick's Corner

Labeling

"I can't believe I messed up that paper. I'm... an idiot!" We've all done this at some point. Calling ourselves a name because we messed something up. But would you call somebody else an idiot for messing up? Maybe. Maybe not. It seems we sometimes put a lot of pressure on ourselves and when we fail something, it is PROOF that we are unable and uncapable.

We take one characteristic of ourselves, our inability to write the report we wanted, and that becomes our entire being. We forget the good and focus on the bad. What other distortion does that remind you of?

Have you ever done this? Tell us about it in the "Forms" section. Next time you label yourself, ask yourself, would an outside person consider me stupid, or lame, or awful? Does having any objectivity help?

Personalization

"Calm down, it's all my fault. I did this. I had a bad interaction with a friend and I'm a bad friend for it. Oh man. I really screwed this all up!"

But wait, isn't it possible that part of the blame lies in the other person as well? How do you know this is all your fault? What proof do you have that you are the sole screwer upper? One of the worst things we can do to our self esteem is to accept blame for things that are not completely our fault. How many times do you say sorry in a conversation or text? These things matter for our mental health.

Next time you find yourself taking the blame for things, step back and ask yourself, is this really all my fault? Does the other party involved share any responsibility at all? If so, then you can't blame yourself. It's always good to be responsible and accountable, though, but that doesn't mean personalizing bad things that happen.